rakubeth

(Snip long explanation of wild argument in my head and coming to realize the energy acceleration caused it…)

It was only when I amplified it by thinking (even better stuff) that I then flipped out over expectations and past and future… it was the acceleration that flipped on the fear/resistance.

So I get to blame it on the energy again, it’s really not me going crazy! :D :P  That was a perfectly rational reaction/response to an energy acceleration of that level.  And I’m pulling a Jubal here, talking out my ass about cosmic levels because I don’t have the big measuring stick to say, but it seems to me that’s what happened.

I used to be so much better at being easy-going.  This energy thing really has thrown me for a loop.  Knocked me off my feet. :D  And conjured some pretty big monsters under the bed, with lots of big shadows for potential other monsters.

THIS is why people have gurus.  To TELL them, it’s ok, this happens.  This is perfectly normal.  And once you acclimate, this level will feel good, and then the next higher vibration will scare you half to death and make you question everything you’ve ever known and make you think you’re going out of your mind.  Cheers!  All in a day’s play. :P

aha

and you can blame the other person so it looks like they’re the one fucking up

or you can blame yourself and really feel crazy

or you can just acknowledge that reality as we know it is shifting, and the old paradigm expectations and any thick old-energy things don’t have a place in the higher vibrational level. 

(77 synch)

And thus I am finally happy that I did not create my poly-family space yet with physical people in front of my face to battle with when I am really only battling with my old programming, and hopefully will have worked much of this out in a reasonable amount of time (! old paradigm) because I still, sometimes desperately, miss my kindred even while these frontlines wage around me, within me. 

I had said before that I believed the reason so many of us are creating ecstatic energy connections at distance and not being able to connect in person was because that would literally blow our minds.  I stand by that, at least for myself, with my experience and this new bit of clarity reinforcing my earlier perception. 

“Blown mind” doesn’t just mean the obvious insanity they talk about … it includes fear/anger replacing love, walls replacing openness, and doubt/judgment replacing sureness.

(111 synch)

It is a very interesting journey, looking at it from the outside.  From the inside it’s just mess. :P  Beauty, yes, amazing bliss, and all the fears/anger we’d ever swept into the corners and a few we never even saw before, jumping up and exploding in Technicolor so that we might integrate them and expand further. 

It can show up as insecurity, doubt, perceived manipulation from ‘out there’… it just doesn’t wear a hat and announce itself properly. “Hi, I’m Fred, I’ll be the result of your acceleration today.  I’m bringing you little wrapped packages of self-doubt to rationally look at from the outside.”  Nooo, it’s all enmeshed within the scrambling mind that jumps all over the place and can’t figure out what the HELL is going on.

Hello Fred.  :D  You’re busted. 

Wednesday, April 27, 2011                 10:37 AM

The Hidden Obvious

 Most people’s reaction to YCYOR is something along the lines of “No Way I Created  _____” this thing I didn’t like, that included pain or suffering or whatever.

Those of us who accept it know that we may not always realize how we’re creating certain things but it _must_ be us doing it, otherwise it plops us right back into the victim basket and that is unacceptable.

Even when we live the awareness of YCYOR we wonder sometimes how we could have possibly created mess.  If it is an individual mess there could have been a variety of factors but if it’s a repeating sort of pattern then there’s something for us to look at, something we’re wanting to know.

Many times we are so used to certain patterns of thought (and feeling) that we don’t see them.  One of the famous sayings from Ramtha is that the color red doesn’t know it’s being red while it’s being red.  We just don’t see certain things because they are standard, acceptable patterns that were probably learned early and strongly reinforced.  Sometimes it takes stepping out of the persona and looking as if it were a different person in order to see it at all, and that can be a very big step.

This is one of the reasons people reject and/or get frustrated with YCYOR.  Obviously if I knew how I created this thing I didn’t like, I wouldn’t have created it!!  How can I see that which I cannot see?!?  The funny part about these sneakies is that they hide right out in the open.  Once we do see them, we can’t believe we could have possibly not seen them before.  They glow in neon flashing lights, big as a house, right in front of us the whole time. 

One way to find these little buggers is to pay attention to what we are doing.  Thoughts, words, feelings, actions.  Every once in a while just stop and recognize it.  Break it down. 

Don’t stop at “I’m imagining arguing in my head with Dave over my proposal that he’s going to try to rip apart in the meeting this afternoon, getting my arguments ready.”  Turn it over; look at it from a few different angles.  What are the assumptions?  What are the feelings?  Pull the other person out of the picture, what are you doing?  There is the obvious expectation of opposition.  There is defensiveness there, which creates opposition, and if paired with enough emotion this can be enough to conjure said ripping when maybe it was never going to happen otherwise.  There is an assumption of not fitting, of badly-wired synchronicity.  There might be history circuitry there that says Dave is always trying to snipe, to undermine, to imply incompetence. 

Is this one person who does this or more than one?  If it’s more than one then it’s time to look at what you are carrying in your field to provoke this sort of experience for yourself.  Where is your own criticism coming from?  Self doubt?  Is there a hyper-critical authority figure that’s been denied and separated out to be projected back? 

We can divide ourselves up like that without even realizing it.  Part of the journey for us on the YCYOR path is to integrate these aspects of self.  I was told once that we didn’t need to integrate them, just acknowledge them and accept them.  Well for some people this is enough to integrate them, and so we’re talking about the same thing.  For others, they are playing with the idea of people being like programs—saying we don’t want to integrate the code (for that which we don’t like) into our program.  At first sight this makes sense.  But when one realizes that the code left un-integrated will continue to play out, while code integrated can be chosen or not— does not have to run— integration becomes the obvious key for a more preferential experience.  We are All That Is.  That’s a lot of pieces and parts.  Integrating that which we don’t prefer does not mean we have to be like that.  It means we acknowledge it as a valid option and stop pushing it away, and then we are at choice from wholeness instead of ‘choice’ from denial.

Incidentally the person who told me integration was undesirable is still not claiming his power in so many areas.  This is valid experience but not preferred in the world according to me.

Looking at all of these things can be enlightening.

11:11

It can also lead to lots of self-blame, inaction and fumbling for keys in the dark or spinning on hamster wheels.  There comes a time to change action, to actually do something different instead of poking inside our own heads and hearts for answers….

the color red doesn’t know it’s being red while it’s being red

From Tracy:

View your day as if it were a dream. Each person you meet during the day use 2 to 3 words to describe their personality. As in a dream all people are a representation of some aspect of your being. This will also enable you to emotionally detach from any charged situation. You can do the same with objects as well. Try it and see what you learn about yourself.

Seth, inside —> out

“You have agreed, a large number of you, to ignore the existence of reincarnation. When you decide to accept this, then of course adequate proof for it will be found.”

The Early Sessions, Book 8
Session 409, Page 273

What else do you want to see ‘proof’ of? 

is it something personal or something en masse? 

is there a difference?